im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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