Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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