3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want nice things and good sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
