Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
