So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
