When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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