Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
