My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize