If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
