clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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