eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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