My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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