Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
