i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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