Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
