I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
