My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
