I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
