i already hear my dad disowning me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
