Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
