I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
