I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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