Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
