I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
