Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
