Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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