U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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