Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
