she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
