I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
