hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
