I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
