this beer tastes like vomit already
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I forgot how hot balto sounded
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
