her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
