i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
