Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
