im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
