Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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