so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
