Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
