I'm so fucking centered right now
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
