I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
