first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize