Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
