you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
