never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
