they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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