This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
