What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize