ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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