I can text with my tongue
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
