I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
