Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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