yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
