Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
