he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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