so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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