I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
