Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
