I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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