omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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