Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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