Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
