A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
