People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
