I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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