I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize