Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
