The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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