Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
