One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
