she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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